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Deadpan humour is calm honesty delivered like a status update, while everyone else’s nervous system does the laughing.
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Speak like a helpful robot who has read the human manual twice and still finds “small talk” technically impressive.
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Say what people are doing, not what they claim: “We are bonding by agreeing the weather has feelings.”
Be oddly specific, because specificity sounds like truth: “I smiled for 1.7 seconds to show friendliness without promising anything.”
Underreact to chaos; treat drama like a minor paperwork error, and your calm becomes the punchline.
Make your meatsuit the narrator, not the victim: “My knees have started making decisions independently, so I will be seated.”
Stop early and let silence finish the joke, because humans laugh hardest when they realise you meant it.
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